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Searching For Love?

Despite their self-defeating nature, fantasy and fear are what most of us fall back on when we search for love. Prompted by them, men and women approach romance with behaviors that can never bring about what they hope to achieve.

These tactics all grow out of listening to an inner voice that obsesses about love and directs our search even though the voice itself is quite loveless. Most of these futile behaviors will sound extremely familiar:

We constantly compare ourselves with an ideal that we can never live up to. The loveless inner voice drives us by saying, “You aren’t good enough – thin enough, pretty enough, happy enough, secure enough.”

We look for approval in others. This behavior basically projects our inner dissatisfaction with ourselves in the hope that some outside authority will lift it from our souls. Here the loveless inner voice is saying, “Don’t make a move until the right person comes along.” (The right person in this case is some fairy-tale character who will tap the ugly duckling and turn it into a swan.) Being an impossible fiction, that right person never arrives.

We assume that falling in love is totally magical, a stroke from the blue that will come at random, usually when least expected. Many people wait passively for this magic to appear. Although masked as hope, this passivity is really a form of hopelessness. The hope that someone will reach out to us and bestow love is a surrender of our ability to create our own lives.

Finally, we rely on love to remove the obstacles that keep it away. All sorts of unloving behaviors are allowed to persist with the attitude that we will become affectionate, open, trusting, and intimate only by a touch of love’s magic wand. The underlying belief is that we can pick and choose whom to love, leaving the rejected in a limbo of indifference.

Can we find another way to approach romance, without fantasy and fear, without listening to the fearful voice inside ourselves that finds a way to keep love at a distance?

Adapted from The Path to Love, by Deepak Chopra (Three Rivers Press, 1997).

Free Will VS Determinism.

The question offree will versus determination is huge. In the one reality, every pairof opposites is ultimately an illusion. We?ve already blurred thedivision between good and evil and life and death. Is free will goingto turn out to be the same as determinism? A lot seems to ride on theanswer.

Free Will = Independence, Self-determination, Choice, Control over events, Future is open.

Determinism = Dependence on an outside will, Self determined byfate, No control over events, Choices made for you, Future is closed.

These phrases sketch in the common understanding of what?s at stake.Everything in the free-will column sounds attractive. We all want to beindependent; we want to make our own decisions; we want to wake up withhope that the future is open and full of endless possibilities.

On the other hand, nothing seems attractive in the determinationcolumn. If your choices have been made for you, if your self is tied toa plan written before you were born, then the future cannot be open.Emotionally at least, the prospect of free will has already won theargument.

And at a certain level nobody has to delve any deeper. If you and Iare marionettes operated by an invisible puppeteer ? call him God,fate, or karma ? then the strings he?s pulling are also invisible. Wehave no proof that we aren?t making free choices.

There is a reason to delve deeper, however, and it centers on theword Vasana. In Sanskrit, a Vasana is an unconscious cause. It?s thesoftware of the psyche, the driving force that makes you do somethingwhen you think you?re doing it spontaneously. As such, Vasana is verydisturbing.

Vasana is determinism that feels like free will. If unconscioustendencies kept working in the dark, they wouldn?t be a problem. Buthuman beings, unique among all living creatures, want to break downVasana. We crave the assurance of absolute freedom and its result ? atotally open future.

Is this reasonable? Is it even possible?

Adapted from The Book of Secrets, by Deepak Chopra (Harmony Books, 2004).

I think this is such a fantastic article, that everyone should read it. I have experienced this both in my personal and professional life. Tarot readers often get asked about relationships that are not intimate from both sides of the fence. I must admit, that I have gone, and go through this on a personal level too. It's hard to watch and feel this kind of emotional betrayal..  I find it difficult to trust again, having gone through this so many times.

Please read this article.. it's VERY informative on many levels !

Could you be having an emotional affair?

A client I'll call Sharon knew that something was missing in hermarriage. She and Robert used to be passionate about each other, shesaid, but after 12 years and two children, she felt removed. Robertnever asked her about work or what she was worried about or felt likedoing. She was no longer attracted to him, and they rarely spent timealone together. If friends confide more to each other than to their spouses, they are having an emotional affair, expert says.

Instead, she threw her energy into raising the children and her job as a paralegal. Life had become bland.

Then there was Todd. He'd been at the law firm longer than Sharon andshowed her the ropes. They would discuss complicated cases, and Sharonfound his enthusiasm engaging. They'd grab coffee together, and sooncoffee became lunch, and lunch led to phone calls and e-mails as theirconversations went from professional to deeply personal.

Sharonthought about Todd all the time, and told me she hadn't felt this alivesince she and Robert had started dating. While she recognized a crushher excitement about seeing him, her pleasure in his jokes, her reliefin confiding in someone who got her -- she told herself there wasnothing wrong with what she was doing because they weren't having sex.

Picking the right tarot reader for you should not be taken lightly. There are quite a few things that a querent should consider when choosing their tarot reader.

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